Love Phobia - cover
Love Phobia - achterkant
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Love Phobia

How to overcome your fear of commitment and abandonment

Love Phobia - cover
Love Phobia - achterkant

'Would you like to have a relationship but do you find that your partner always withdraws? Do you keep falling in love with someone who is already taken? Or do you have the tendency to keep the other person at a distance, just as they are beginning to develop feelings for you? If you keep ending up in situations like this, you might recognise the dance of pursuit and withdrawal. You’re not the only one! The fundamental conflict between our need for intimacy and our need for freedom creates this game of pursuit and withdrawal, of attracting and repelling. It imprisons us in destructive dependency relationships. This book explains why people with fear of abandonment attract people with fear of commitment. With great clarity and openness Hannah Cuppen offers insight and shows which steps you can take towards greater self-esteem, self-love and connection. If you want to stop your ‘love-phobic’ dance and become available for love again, this book will show you the way.

“Love Phobia is a much needed map, guiding the reader to the treasures of loving and being loved, free of fear and past patterns. If you find yourself running after people who are not available and running away from those who are, this book can help. Cuppen offers the wisdom and tools to transform your romantic life and find the love you have been longing for.” – Jessica Graham, author of Mindful and Mindblowing Sex.

Hannah Cuppen is therapist, trainer and bestselling author. Before her first book was published in 2014 (the Dutch edition of Love Phobia), she had spent ten years running her own psychotherapy practice. Throughout her training she specialized in the dynamic of fear of abandonment and fear of commitment. Her book Love Phobia became a bestseller in The Netherlands, and has now sold more than 100,000 copies.

Love Phobia is a masterpiece! It is one of the most insightful and helpful books on love I have read. I recommend it to you wholeheartedly.” – Robert Holden, author of Loveability and Finding Love Everywhere.

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Over de auteur
Contents
Quotes

Hannah Cuppen

Hannah Cuppen

Hannah Cuppen is bestsellerauteur van het boek Liefdesbang, waarin ze je helpt om te helen van je verlatingsangst en bindingsangst. Het werkboek Liefdeskunst biedt hierbij waardevolle verdieping. Ook schreef zij Liefdesroep over het volgen van de roep van je hart. Met Love Phobia gaat zij internationaal.

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Preface 13
Introduction 14

PART 1 The dance: pursuing and withdrawing
1 Are you love-phobic? 20
2 The dance steps 23
Phase 1: The opening 23
Phase 2: Incompatible steps 25
Phase 3: The dance is nearly done 28
Phase 4: The inevitable end 32
Phase 5: After the final steps 35
3 Love-phobic partners 37
The conflict between being together and apart 37
What’s the dynamic? 39
Recognising the dance 43
Different dance steps 52
4 Do I fear commitment? 54
The characteristics of fear of commitment 54
Summary: the symptoms 65
5 Or do I fear abandonment? 66
The characteristics of fear of abandonment 66
Summary: the symptoms 73
6 The dance — from beginning to end 75
Examples from the dance floor 75
The final steps 92
Differences and similarities 93
The essence of a love-phobic dance 94

PART 2 There are no bad men or bad women
1 There are only wounded people 98
Insecure attachment as a trigger 98
The underlying causes 102
The effects 116
2 I need you 119
Secure attachment 121
Insecure attachment 122
Entanglement versus connection 128
3 Relationships with or without a backdoor 129
The attachment pattern of abandonment-phobic people 131
The attachment patterns of commitment-phobic people 133
4 Will you solve my problem? 137
Supply and demand in romantic relationships 137
Help, my partner resembles my parent 152
Daughter married to father, son to mother 154
The role of the dynamic 159
5 Removing the fear from the wound 160
The traits listed 161

PART 3 From survival to healing
1 How do I survive? 166
Fight, flight or freeze 167
Rationalising and condemning 168
Merging and dissociation 168
Illusions and fantasies 170
Self-sabotage 171
Internal split 172
Separation of love and lust 175
2 Friend or foe? 177
The survival dance 177
Summary: the survival steps 180
3 The healing movement 182
The healthy part 184
New steps 185
Vertical healing 188

PART 4 Healing steps for a true love dance
1 The circle of attachment 192
Step 1. Contact or isolation 194
Step 2. Attachment or withdrawal 197
Step 3. Separation or clinging 199
Breaking free from entanglement with the partner 200
Breaking free from entanglement with the parent(s) 205
Step 4. Grieving or denial 208
Step 5. Finding meaning or harbouring grievance 219
And now: an opportunity, or the same old dance? 221
A relapse 223
A healthy relationship based on connection 225
Connecting is a cyclical process 227

PART 5 Ingredients in available love
1 Give yourself the right to exist 232
2 Connect in the moment 235
3 Reconcile opposites 237
4 Choose real autonomy 241
5 Respect yourself 244
6 Open your heart to yourself 248
7 Speak your truth 253
8 Forgive yourself 255
9 Aim for unconditional love 257
10 Connect in freedom 260

That is life 262
Conclusion 265
Acknowledgements 267
Bibliography 270
About Hannah Cuppen 273
Notes 274

“Love Phobia is a much needed map, guiding the reader to the treasures of loving and being loved, free of fear and past patterns. If you find yourself running after people who are not available and running away from those who are, this book can help. Cuppen offers the wisdom and tools to transform your romantic life and find the love you have been longing for.” – Jessica Graham, author of Good Sex

22,50

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  • Taal: Engels
  • ISBN: 9789020217124
  • Pagina's: 224 pagina's

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'Would you like to have a relationship but do you find that your partner always withdraws? Do you keep falling in love with someone who is already taken? Or do you have the tendency to keep the other person at a distance, just as they are beginning to develop feelings for you? If you keep ending up in situations like this, you might recognise the dance of pursuit and withdrawal. You’re not the only one! The fundamental conflict between our need for intimacy and our need for freedom creates this game of pursuit and withdrawal, of attracting and repelling. It imprisons us in destructive dependency relationships. This book explains why people with fear of abandonment attract people with fear of commitment. With great clarity and openness Hannah Cuppen offers insight and shows which steps you can take towards greater self-esteem, self-love and connection. If you want to stop your ‘love-phobic’ dance and become available for love again, this book will show you the way.

“Love Phobia is a much needed map, guiding the reader to the treasures of loving and being loved, free of fear and past patterns. If you find yourself running after people who are not available and running away from those who are, this book can help. Cuppen offers the wisdom and tools to transform your romantic life and find the love you have been longing for.” – Jessica Graham, author of Mindful and Mindblowing Sex.

Hannah Cuppen is therapist, trainer and bestselling author. Before her first book was published in 2014 (the Dutch edition of Love Phobia), she had spent ten years running her own psychotherapy practice. Throughout her training she specialized in the dynamic of fear of abandonment and fear of commitment. Her book Love Phobia became a bestseller in The Netherlands, and has now sold more than 100,000 copies.

Love Phobia is a masterpiece! It is one of the most insightful and helpful books on love I have read. I recommend it to you wholeheartedly.” – Robert Holden, author of Loveability and Finding Love Everywhere.

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